Out of Motivation
Just finished half of my project report. At least got the structures layer out. I'm fucking beat! Feeling very sian and somewhat emotional. Good thing we have blogging. It is a good avenue to release stress, ya?
Goodness me, I am becoming more like a woman. Need to expense 10000 words per day (As commented in Allan and Barbara Pease's book) to release the grueling toll of everyday pressure.
The cold late night air have struck me again together with the chilling brisk scent of the cooling wind, I'm not positive but it smells familiar. It once again reminds me of old times. Times that are lost forever, times that are now...memories of a past lives. Can't believe I am never going to be that carefree again. Loaded with tons of burden on my back. Somehow, it makes me want to cry. Must be getting old. Ha ha. Maybe I will forget this feeling and go back to my "current" self in the morning later on; maybe I will only remember if these “smell" of freedom hits me again in the future.
Freedom. A very broad and misunderstood concept, which everybody wants, but most can never acquire it. Just what is freedom? Moreover, free from what? Does being rich means freedom? Some might says yes. Gives you power and capabilities to carry out and achieve your dreams. Does starting your own business or family give you freedom? Why not. You work when you want, start and stop anytime you like and don't have to be under any cruel and demanding boss. You impose your own ground rules in your family for you and your kids making certain that evryone is safe and healthy. But in the end does it all matters? Does all of this give you satisfaction? The only true freedom is void.
Perhaps becoming a monk or nun is the only way to achieve true freedom. Free from the expectations of this so-called civilization. This inter-related system that binds us (And all our debts and worries) together. But hey, even the religious abbot and cleric drives a Merc or Bmw, carrying the latest cell phone models nowadays. Not to mention some even became a celebrity performer. What the arse is going on man!! Can our next generation survive in this ever-competitive society? Only time will reveal.
Gone were the days when all we really concern about is who is dating who in school. Where shall we go to "wet" on friday night? Our worries free days are over. Don't mind me; it's just the silentness of the red-tainted sky night that's messing with my mind. A familiar scent has infected me with wanderlust. Gone were the days where I would roam the streets until the wee morning hours, seeking comfort in the coolness of the midnight breeze. I know that I could never be free again...unless I abandon my burden, my lifestyle, my family to be a ...wanderer once more. Similarly, it applies to you guys as well. Will we truly be able to live the rocker dream someday? Sigh.
My brothers and sisters...cherish your lives cos it will be gone before you realized it. Somehow, I feel I am not living mine to the fullest. This mid-dawn draft is really messing with my thoughts and feeling!!! Hope we can create the opportunity to have coffee together during the late night hours at one of those Saat places again. My erratic heart is pounding furiously. Been enslaved by the ropes of acceptable society measures for too long.
Now...the only comfort I find most reassuring is in the arms of my beloved angel. The only place in the world, the only comfort zone that has not eluded me yet. The only heaven on earth where I can, stay away from the worries of the world.
Think I really need to chio you people out for coffee and remise old times or else I'll go insane. Ha Ha. Not young anymore. Just like to stay on bed, watch TV and cuddle with the missy. I can't possibly reciprocate what I did during my youth whereby I would suddenly feel bored at this hours and go straight to KL to meet up with friends, can I? Hopefully we could start living our dreams and aspiration again someday instead of slaving for the next meal.
I think true freedom means ..."Live to eat, not eat to live".
Cheers.
(Soft sweet dramatic music with surround sound encode with digital binary backup fading slowly and steadily while engulf with Sony hi-resolution Dolby system in the background)
Goodness me, I am becoming more like a woman. Need to expense 10000 words per day (As commented in Allan and Barbara Pease's book) to release the grueling toll of everyday pressure.
The cold late night air have struck me again together with the chilling brisk scent of the cooling wind, I'm not positive but it smells familiar. It once again reminds me of old times. Times that are lost forever, times that are now...memories of a past lives. Can't believe I am never going to be that carefree again. Loaded with tons of burden on my back. Somehow, it makes me want to cry. Must be getting old. Ha ha. Maybe I will forget this feeling and go back to my "current" self in the morning later on; maybe I will only remember if these “smell" of freedom hits me again in the future.
Freedom. A very broad and misunderstood concept, which everybody wants, but most can never acquire it. Just what is freedom? Moreover, free from what? Does being rich means freedom? Some might says yes. Gives you power and capabilities to carry out and achieve your dreams. Does starting your own business or family give you freedom? Why not. You work when you want, start and stop anytime you like and don't have to be under any cruel and demanding boss. You impose your own ground rules in your family for you and your kids making certain that evryone is safe and healthy. But in the end does it all matters? Does all of this give you satisfaction? The only true freedom is void.
Perhaps becoming a monk or nun is the only way to achieve true freedom. Free from the expectations of this so-called civilization. This inter-related system that binds us (And all our debts and worries) together. But hey, even the religious abbot and cleric drives a Merc or Bmw, carrying the latest cell phone models nowadays. Not to mention some even became a celebrity performer. What the arse is going on man!! Can our next generation survive in this ever-competitive society? Only time will reveal.
Gone were the days when all we really concern about is who is dating who in school. Where shall we go to "wet" on friday night? Our worries free days are over. Don't mind me; it's just the silentness of the red-tainted sky night that's messing with my mind. A familiar scent has infected me with wanderlust. Gone were the days where I would roam the streets until the wee morning hours, seeking comfort in the coolness of the midnight breeze. I know that I could never be free again...unless I abandon my burden, my lifestyle, my family to be a ...wanderer once more. Similarly, it applies to you guys as well. Will we truly be able to live the rocker dream someday? Sigh.My brothers and sisters...cherish your lives cos it will be gone before you realized it. Somehow, I feel I am not living mine to the fullest. This mid-dawn draft is really messing with my thoughts and feeling!!! Hope we can create the opportunity to have coffee together during the late night hours at one of those Saat places again. My erratic heart is pounding furiously. Been enslaved by the ropes of acceptable society measures for too long.
Now...the only comfort I find most reassuring is in the arms of my beloved angel. The only place in the world, the only comfort zone that has not eluded me yet. The only heaven on earth where I can, stay away from the worries of the world.
Think I really need to chio you people out for coffee and remise old times or else I'll go insane. Ha Ha. Not young anymore. Just like to stay on bed, watch TV and cuddle with the missy. I can't possibly reciprocate what I did during my youth whereby I would suddenly feel bored at this hours and go straight to KL to meet up with friends, can I? Hopefully we could start living our dreams and aspiration again someday instead of slaving for the next meal.
I think true freedom means ..."Live to eat, not eat to live".
Cheers.
(Soft sweet dramatic music with surround sound encode with digital binary backup fading slowly and steadily while engulf with Sony hi-resolution Dolby system in the background)
posted by Mr Lee at 5:08:00 AM
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